is the one she uses to call me : “Mamma”.

the first time the sound reached my ears, I thought I had imagined it or that it was just an unintentional “mammmma-mmmmamaa-mmammma” sound. but when zoé repeated it in context, i knew we had reached. not reaching a final destination but that we reached each other. it felt like a long and lonely journey had finally ended and a new one has started. one we are walking together. sometimes i lead her and often times she shows me the way.

being called mamma may feel so obvious for many but for me it feels like a blessing, like a sacred mantra that reminds me to surrender to God and the Universe. i do not know what it must feel for her to have a mamma ? most important is that she knows she has someone she can call mamma.

it started a month ago, when zoé came down with a cold. we spent a couple of difficult nights together and at the same time, it is in those challenges that closeness grows. being a little one’s “everything” is a nice feeling; it gives instant purpose to one’s existence and it is flattering to be so much desired. but it is also a HUGE responsibility. a great challenge. day-after-night-after-day-day-in-and-night-out, her call for mamma at any time, has to be answered as good as can be. … and what if i fail to provide security and love and care and respect and at the same time, i know, i un-avoidably fail to provide. i guess in that margin between failure and perfection is a warm, authentic and safe place where we grow to become ourselves, where we get a chance to pass on that love we have received when we too believed our main care giver was our “everything”.  FRom that place, I thank you my dear mother for all what you have given me when you were still alive, and because today, I pass it on to zoé, you remain alive, through me in her.

 

 

 

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