Thanks for your tips on “essentials to take care of a six months old”. I got the stuff & activities you advised.

Lately, my husband and I have been a bit stressed. Stressed for next week Monday, hoping our Court date will be confirmed, stressed to get everything ready, stressed for the unknown factors of our baby’s health, stressed for all the unknowns of parenthood, stressed at work trying to get everything finished before our leave, stressed to do everything as good as possible in a short time … All adding up, so that we actually had difficulties to not work on each other nerves and/or hurt each other by short temper and irritated behaviour …

So this weekend we had a good talk and decided to shift our focus. Instead of running around endlessly trying to achieve things and reach an un/existing perfection, we’ll try to remember we have started a dynamic journey, one that will oscillate constantly between change and routine, bliss and frustration, and, motivated by the fact that we have waited for our dear little family for soo long, we want to focus on enjoyment instead of perfection.

Following is some more blah, blah blah ranting about perfection vs enjoyment. To be read if it is interesting for you otherwise just skip and go straight to the pictures. 

Granted, it is in my nature to be a bit of a perfectionist, but I also wonder if and how it could be connected to infertility. Maybe (over)striving for (over)perfection could have had a negative influence on fertility and/or repeated pregnancy loss (RPL) (which does not matter to me any longer),  but surely, IF and RPL have influenced the way I want to do things perfectly now (and this is what matters). While doing ART procedures, and even more so, when confronted with unexplained “failure” times after times, the feeling that: I did not “succeed” because I was not good enough,  seems to unavoidably pop up. So now, that our miracle baby has been “granted” to us, I put extra pressure on myself, something like : “If I do not do everything “perfectly” I do not show I am “deserving” this baby girl and that this “ungrateful” attitude will eventually result in something bad. like carrying the sticky guilt label of a “bad mum” or even worse a cancelled adoption !
Rationally, I know that it is ok that I did not buy the overly expensive BIO milk-powder and that actually, for my baby who was undernourished, it matters little. She just needs food, right ? Well no, emotionally, not buying bio milk-powder is a no-no and I need to go back to the shop ASAP to change and if they do not want to change. Sorry, I will have to spend on the BIO milk powder ànd throw the non Bio one ! Coo-Coo or welcome to motherhood ?
Got it ? Under the need for a seemingly reassuring perfection, hides a deep black fear. Fear of not being good enough and consequently,  the fear of not being loved vs the need for unconditional love.  
Now is the time to shift.

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