Since we got our referral, it feels as if things have shifted into another gear.

We got news:
Our girl is doing well and our intermediary estimates and believes we could go to fetch our girl before the end of the year. Our intermediary also told us that she would give us no longer than 2 weeks notice, prior to departure date ! So, she strongly advise us on informing my employer, to get organised for “adoption leave”. She also provided us with a (long) list of things we should take to Ethiopia and she strongly recommends to have all the baby things ready in our home before we leave to fetch our girl.
To be on the “safe side”, she asked us to get an extra letter from the International Organisation my DH works for,  stating that his position might likely be renewed upon expiry of the employment term (January 2013). My DH works for an International Organisation and most of these organisations issue fixed, 2 years contracts. In reality, these contracts get renewed, years after years, and if not, another contract for another job within the same organisation is often offered.
But because most of the adoptive parents, including me, have “undetermined contracts”, our intermediary feels we should try to avoid any unnecessary questioning about our financial security from the Judge’s perspective. She is probably very right and skilled at her job, i.e. to get our baby here, with us, ASAP, but I must say that it has triggered fear and insecurity  …..

So far, there is nothing we can do, but get that letter and hope for the best and follow the first part of our intermediary’s instruction, which is: GET READY for YOUR BABY !!

We do live in an apartment, in the City Center but in a quite area. It is not a very small space but not big enough for us to have our personal/adult sleeping room, a nursery, an office, a dining room etc. I have to organise our space in corners like an eating corner, an office corner, a nursery & play corner … So these days, I am busy trashing a lot of old, unnecessary things to create space for our girl & I love it !

Last weekend we got a crib for our baby and I converted a chest of drawers into a “changing station”. It is a convenient height and provides easy access to nappies, toiletries and underwear in its upper drawer with other clothing in the lower drawers.

Then, when I see all these things taking shape, I panick suddenly feel my heart beating faster and remember I was pregnant last year and the way it ended and then all the trauma from “miscarried dreams”comes up. In those moments I find myself at a “loss of what to do”: On the one hand, I want to give all that accumulated trauma its space, because I do not believe in the “repression technique” and on the other hand I do not want all that accumulated trauma to cast dark shadows on the Joy I am living now.  I guess here too, it is about reorganising and converting trauma into free & happy (mental) space that I am to share with my girl and family !

Wish us luck !

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