My emotions and feelings have been all over the place and so it is difficult to organise them into thoughts and translate them into words and write an update. On the other hand it is great to share all those strong moments, moments almost to strong for one person to experience on one’s own … so here is a sketchy post.

When I met my DH at a party in India in 1994, we just knew from the moment we saw each other that we “belonged together”. The day that followed, when I was discovering the different expressions on his face, exploring his face in different lights and shadows and positions and situations, I suddenly realised that actually, his nose reminded me of the nose of a former boyfriend, and his eyes were a bit similar to those of another previous boyfriend’s. Yes, all those previous boyfriends’ noses and ears and eyes had been giving me hints of that One face I had been looking for. And now, by a mysterious play of coincidence, he was there in front of me and we loved each other and I felt something, deep inside, maybe inside my soul, could start healing and I knew, after ONE day, I wanted a family with him!

My DH on the other hand, felt from the first day we spent together, the urge to ask me to marry him. Feeling so overwhelmed by this sudden strong emotions, he “closed” up a bit, trying to protect himself and thinking I would believe he was completely mad to propose after ONE day only !

So last Saturday, I recognized my DH, this time falling for our little girl whose face he had just met ONE day before, with all the fears and self-protection it brought about !

This last week, we rush from feeling ecstatic about the good news, rejoicing in this beautiful little girl that we received as a most precious gift, then through the fear of something going wrong in the process, followed by concerns about her health, into dreams about her future with us, after us, then the strong desire to be with her, with all senses. To be what she needs to the best of our capacity; loving, caring parents to OUR daughter !

Frantically check e-mails. No concrete Court date yet!

So instead, we smile from within, build her little nest in our nest. Love her. “Send” peace to her birthmom. Be grateful for the staff working in orphanages taking care of our girl, of other adoptive parents’ little boys and girls, nurturing birth moms’ little newborns, growing orphaned children. And we can not do else but thank God for sharing this one human connection across countries and races and cultures, so we can, by working together, realise something that is greater than every single one of us alone. And then we marvel with eyes as big as our Little girl’s on her referral picture, at how mysterious Life is. And then we know for sure, Zoé is her name !

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