There are two things that irritate me lately.

The first one is racial superiority. I am not denying that there are obvious differences in races and culture. That difference is challenging and most of the time enriching (for me at least) but superiority of the one race over the other is something I cannot support.
Almost everybody to whom we are announcing our adoption plans/progress ask, first seemingly out of interest: “Why Ethiopia?“, followed by either: “Waw, Ethiopians are beautiful !” or: “But would you not prefer to adopt a white baby from East-Europe?”.
Actually, both are well intentioned but the “But would you not prefer to adopt a white baby from East-Europe?” irritates me !
First because, if I would have prefered that alternative, I would have tried to adopt from East-Europe. Second, because it implies that when you have a kid of a different race, it is “obviously” adopted. Which may be a constant reminder for the child of his previous losses and, in my case, of my previous IF, and also a constant exposure of your child to racism (which I understand can be a very real issue in some countries/communities), but I believe that is not what the “well-intentioned” who make this remark really care about. I think what they imply is that an adopted child is not somebody’s”real” child, that adoption is a less good alternative than own gene-conception, and therefore, if you somehow make it less obvious, by adopting a child having at least the same skin color, you solve this problem for the outside world. 

By now, Dear reader, you probably get me a bit. Yes, I am naïve. For me mixed families are beautiful and unique and adoption is a special way to build families so why not just showing it as it is. For me beauty is not connected to race but to beauty; and intelligence is not only connected to brain but also to body and to skills and to emotion and to survival and ….

The second thing that irritates me is that well-intentioned people still “want me to be pregnant”. Wether by giving me special tea to drink or giving me books to read to “clear my emotional/psychological” blockages, or making me eat special bread, blessed by a special rabbi known for his “special (spiritual) powers to make woman pregnant …. personally, at this stage of my journey, I find it specially amusing. But I would like it to stop by the time our baby is home with us, because once I will be receiving this good advise in front of my child, I will find it very rude, implying for my child, you were adopted but we (and everybody else in your family) still desperately want to conceive “a better” child and that is why we do all these crazy things. ….

I hope that by the time they meet our child and see us as a family, they will stop questioning the country of origin and giving me tea. Otherwise, I guess I will have to make it clear to them. Any advise as to how do this without being rude ?

So, the point is that I will like to be seen as a “normal” family knowing all too well that the way we became a family and the way our family will look, will not be considered “normal”. I better get used to it, unless “normal” evolves a bit … told you, I am naïve !

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